Idealism vs. Realism

Back in the saddle

2010-10-22T07:35:00.000-07:00

Really? I suck at this blog thing. And I so desperately WANT to be good at it. My earliest dreams of what I wanted to be when I grew up were a writer, a writer, and a writer. In that order. I don't write anymore. Used to write poetry, short stories, etc. I think I was the only one who actually enjoyed writing English papers for highschool and college. Somewhere along the way though...I lost my words. Lost my ability to write...to pull out those feelings and turn them into incredible moving narratives of the world around me. What happened, do you think? I wish I knew. Perhaps it's like riding a bike.....

Here we go.....

2010-01-05T18:23:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting here watching the Biggest Loser as I type....and I am torn between wanting to jump and down and get started right now because I am so motivated....and scared because I don't want to fail. My heart is so full of emotion...I know how these people feel; I am scared like they are scared. I am determined.....I took the Pound for Pound Challenge...pledged 50 lbs...and you know what? I put it on Facebook!!! Incentive, much?? IT'S TIME!! To do it for ME! Cheer me on, folks! I need it!! Here we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....................

From 2009 to 2010....

2009-12-31T20:46:00.001-08:00

These words of wisdom have always meant a lot to me in life....with personal struggles and successes alike.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." ~ Robert Frost

This coming year, as mentioned in an earlier post, I am going to start facing the get healthy struggle. It will be a hard road, and a road less traveled...and so I figure, if I choose THAT road...that one will be the one that makes the difference. My wish for all those I love in this upcoming year is this....choose the road you don't travel...even if it's longer and more treacherous, so that you too may make that difference.

Farewell 2009~ I'm not sorry to see you go. And 2010, may you be a year of change and inner peace for all. Happy New Year.

Biggest Loser

2009-12-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

The oldest kid and I got the WiiFit Board for Christmas..came as one of those bundle thingys..with the The Biggest Loser DVD/Wii game Family Cookbook. Now, I do NOT make New Year's Resolutions ( I put them in CAPS because to some, they are the be-all, end-all). The only one I have ever successfully conquered was not wearing white socks for a year, but that was due to my love of funky cool socks. I digress. Anyways, I looked through the cookbook...got a little excited. These are doable recipes. Hmmmm, methinks, onto the DVD/Wii game...all sorts of games and exercises and stuff. A little more excited...perhaps I can do this? Now, unless you live under a rock, you should know what The Biggest Loser is. I live in a townhouse, and ok, let me hear it...one collective GASP from the peanut gallery...NO, I have never seen the show. I know some of you watch it, though, and I'd like to hear from you. See, the gist I get from online ads and TV commercials is this...these people are at their wits' ends. And you know what, I'm about there. I'm 100 lbs overweight, I have high cholesterol ( I mean, off the charts), I have a recently diagnosed thyroid disorder, an about-to-be-diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, I take 4 to 5 meds a day for various things.....and the kicker? I'm only 31! So, yeah, unless I want to precede my mother into the Great Wide Open, I need to do something now. My weak attempt at humor belies my fear....I have lost a child....I need to be around for my other two. I have tried them all...the Zone, Atkins, WW....I know I need to be ready...do I think my Wii can help me? For what it's worth....it IS here in my nice warm house. So, this year, perhaps I will try making one of those horrid resolutions....or maybe just a promise, to myself and to my kids; it's time for Mama to get healthy. And perhaps, with a lot of hard work and encouragement, this will be one promise I can keep.

Gotta get moving..

2009-12-27T08:20:00.000-08:00

I've been searching through all the blogs I read every day to find ones that really interest me. The more I read, the more I am SO impressed over the quality of these blogs and the level of writing. I thought, I gotta get moving....I could do this, ya know. I could write like this. Should I do a recipe blog, a kid blog....scrapbooking, photography (leave that to the pros, heh, J?) I'm not quite sure my life is that interesting anymore to make for daily blog fodder. I do, however, salute the ones who write everyday.....you rock with your writin' selves!!

In Memory

2009-10-28T05:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Emilee Faith~ you would have been 9 today. I have come to realize that your passing was, at least, something I have come to understand that things happen for a reason. Mommy thinks about you all the time and will never let your memory die. And to the godmother that didn't get a chance to show her incredible love to my child~ I love you and will always be sorry for that. Happy Birthday sweet girl~ we miss you every day that passes and will always love you.

Intentions

2009-10-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever done something with the best of intentions and it all goes wrong? I mean, something you thought about, planned for~ and then it all goes downhill? I am in the middle of a similar situation, and boy, am I conflicted. It seems as if the answer to solve the problem is just around the corner, but I just can't seem to reach it. Especially not without hurting others in the process. I have always been one to give of myself~ and more often than not, it has been a good thing. But sometimes it backfires. You know that old saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? I'm not a big fan of lemonade these days.

Indian Summer

2009-10-22T09:08:00.000-07:00

As I write this the windows are open, the sun is shining, (pretty much) and there is a gentle breeze blowing through the house. In October. Yes, here is our supposed Indian Summer. It was 80 DEGREES yesterday, and we are a mere 10 days from Halloween!! Speaking of Halloween, the house is decorated to the nines, since it's my favorite holiday. And on that special day, I will be taking a vampire and a toddler trick-or-treating. Let's see...hmmm....a vampire, and a...toddler? Do they make a costume for that? You see, it's a funny story. Sort of. Savannah REFUSES to wear a costume. Period. Now as far as I know, it's not fear of it, or that it's too hot, it's just that she is.not.going.to. Because that is what a toddler does. No means that she does not have to do anything she does not want to do, and that includes pleasing the mommy who feeds her and bathes her and buys her M&M's to bribe her to ride in the cart at Target. So, I wonder what all of your kids are going to be for Halloween. I hope, for your sake, they have costumes on. When I was a kid, not wearing a costume was akin to the Salem Witch Trials. You just put one on!! Or else. Nooooo candy for you! I am just hoping the cuteness factor gets her the loot.

Welcome Back to me!

2009-10-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, I think I already told you I am a terrible blogger. But since finding out that there are people who actually READ this...I guess I need to get busy. As I type this I am listening (yes, I said listening) to the newest developmental stage of Savannah's life...screaming. To quote a dear fellow blogger...not just screaming, but "screaming that gets inside your brain". On the opposite end of this noise is Samantha yelling at Savannah "TIME out, I said TIME OUT"!!! This is what I hear on a daily basis. Geesh.
So, to update the last several months that I have been such a slacker on the blog front....Samantha is 10 now, Savannah is 2, and I am still separated. We are headed for divorce, and please don't say "I'm sorry" to me, because for the most part I'm really not. Isn't it the way it always goes...he's someone different than I thought he'd be, we want different things, yada yada. Yes, we both turned out to be different people and want different things. But most of all, I just want happiness. Just a fleeting chance at that most elusive of feelings. And I have enough respect for him that I wish him the same. All relationships have problems, and ours was, and still is, no more different than the next. However, some issues are insurmountable, and I choose not to climb that mountain. So, that's that.
I have a roommate now, and her daughter. For privacy's sake, I will call them L and H. My roomie and I were Facebook friends (damn addictive social networking site!) and it turned into a beneficial relationship for both of us. L and H moving in has been a work in progress, but for the most part it's running smoothly. It has been an adjustment for the girls and me to have roommates, but at this point in life, economically especially, it's what's needed.
I'm still at our local Y, and for now....well, I work there.
I have no great inspirational words to leave you with now...but, the duty of motherhood is calling, so I think I will write later. And NO, it won't be 7 more months!!!

De Plane, De Plane!

2009-04-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for North Carolina for a whirlwind 24 trip. Two of those hours will be on a plane going and coming. Ok, so I am not the biggest chicken in the world, but flying makes me just squawk! I am going to see Jimmy Buffett in concert with my oldest brother~ and I am pysched! However, the whole flying-to-get-there part bothers me. And, this will be the first time I have been away from Savannah since she's been born~ so I am actually sad about that. Since I will be gone literally 24 hours to see one of my all-time favorite performers in concert from 12th ROW CENTER~ I guess I can deal! ;~) Xanax will be my friend...

I am just not good at this~

2009-04-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

I am just not good at this blogging thing. I am experiencing technical difficulties and will resume posting as soon as the soap opera I call My Life has settled down enough so I can actually think of something witty to say. Wow, run-on sentence, anyone? To be continued....

Struggling...

2009-02-25T17:55:00.000-08:00

Faith. I know what the word is, what it means, what it is to have it, and what it is to lose it. Today, I attended a memorial service for a friend who is burying her 19 month-old. To be precise, this child was approximately 2 weeks younger than Savannah. Yeah, close to home? I have been through the death of a child. I know the agony and pain, both physical and emotional. I know the pure struggle between life and death as you try to stay alive for your loved ones while wishing you were dead. I know all this...yet...still...there are no words. No words to explain why; no words to help understand. My friend delivered her own child's eulogy. Sitting there listening, the emotional pain of losing my daughter these many years ago dealt me a physical blow that made it hard to breathe. I know what the Bible says about faith. I know what God says. I know that we are supposed to "believe in what we cannot see." For today, however, I have no faith. No belief in anything but this moment that is untouchable. No faith in the power that let this innocent child leave her mother and father, who struggled to have a child for so long, and ended up adopting her. For today, I just can't believe in anything but sorrow and loss. Ask me how I feel tomorrow.

Cool Mommy

2009-01-31T04:35:00.000-08:00

Last night I had 5 (at first) and then 4 (one got sad) girls spend the night. I didn't have sleepovers when I was younger because there was no money, plus mom was always at work to support us. I mean, I usually spent the night at my best friend's house, but there were no big ones until we moved to MD. I knew when I was younger that I wanted to be a "Cool Mommy". Which, at the time, meant letting MY kids do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. I was usually mad at mom at the time! Now, of course I know that being a young parent means a finer line I have to walk...be a parent first, then a "cool" parent. However, I love to give Samantha experiences that I didn't have, and that includes sleepovers. I kept my friend's three last night, plus another one from another friend, and I am so blessed that my best and dearest friends have kids about the same age and that our kids are friends. It was crazy and loud, but we had tacos, banana splits, and dancing! I love that I am not always popular, but most of the time my kid thinks I am pretty cool. If I were always the cool mom, then I would not be doing the job I was hired to do...and that is raising my kid to be smart, honest and well-behaved. Sometimes, though, it's fun to be cool.

Just dropping by...

2009-01-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

Guilty. I have not written in days. It seems like there are never enough hours in my day, much less 24 of them. If I didn't have to do that whole sleeping thing then I would use those hours too.

To sum it up~ recent events have left me trading my husband for a puppy....yes, we have separated and that is a whole 'notha story...we are now the proud mama and sisters of a Pug named Salem. What joy dogs bring to our lives. I am only sorry we waited so long. We are busy as ever with school and work..in addition to Child Watch I am now working in After School Care and that is nice....to be with older kids that use full sentences and don't cry as much!! One of these days will bring a longer post...a joy to the 3 readers I have! A bit of advice to you that I am slowly learning...we are so much to everyone...spouse, parent, lover, employee, friend, child...remember we are only as good to everyone else as we are to ourselves. Cherish yourself first.

I stole this from Jessi!

2009-01-10T19:13:00.000-08:00

YOU CAN ONLY ANSWER EACH QUESTION WITH ONE WORD. GOOD LUCK!
1. Where is your cell phone? charging
2. Your significant other? separated
3. Your hair? messy
4. Your mother? asleep
5. Your father? asshole
6. Your favorite thing? daughters
7. Your dream last night? terror
8. Your favorite drink? Dew
9. Your dream/goal? stability
10. The room you're in? living
11. Your fear? death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? debtless
13. Where were you last night? work
14. What you're not? content
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? money
17. Where you grew up? maryland
18. The last thing you did? "surfed"
19. What are you wearing? shirt
20. Your favorite TV show? lots
21. Your pet? non-existant
23. Your life? jumbled
24. Your mood? contemplative
25. Missing someone? always
26. Your car/truck? comfortable
27. Something you're not wearing? bra
28. Favorite Store? target
29. Your summer? beach
30. Your favorite color? purple
31. When is the last time you laughed? today
32. Last time you cried? today
THREE PLACES I GO OVER AND OVER: Wanda's, work, target
THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS: mac~n~cheese, chocolate, pasta
PLACE I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW: anywhere

Happy Birthday!

2009-01-08T05:51:00.000-08:00

I have been following this blog...Confessions of a CF Husband, for quite a while. Every morning I eagerly check to see if Nate (the husband) has written anything new. Today, it is the miracle baby Gwyneth Rose's FIRST birthday. I know that their family does not know me, nor do I really know them...but thanks to their blog I get to read about a family who brings me hope and joy every day. Have a beautiful birthday Gwyneth, and to Nate and Tricia, enjoy your daughter today. And Nate, I'm sure I don't have to remind you, but you are a lucky man!

ABC..all about me!

2009-01-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

A is for age: 30. I don't want to talk about it. Nope. Just don't.

B is for burger of choice: bacon, cheese, mayo and ketchup

C is for the car I drive: Honda Odydessy (sp?) Minivan

D is for your dog's name: I don't have one. I have two kids.

E is for essential item you use every day: My laptop. Can't...live...without...

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: still Law and Order:SVU

G is for favorite game: Text Twist on the computer and Quizzy's Word Challenge on Webkinz

H is for home state: the great state of North Carolina!!

I is for instruments you play: had piano lessons once upon a time

J is for favorite juice: Apple

K is for whose bum you'd like to kick: mine....I threw away my the box for my new cell phone and now cannot send away for the rebate!!

L is for last restaurant at which you ate: McDonald's (if that counts as a restaurant) if not...the WeatherVane, a fantastic restaurant in Chapel Hill

M is for your favorite muppet: Kermit

N is for number of piercings: one in each ear..not brave enough for anything else

O is for overnight hospital stays: 3...I think

P is for people you were with today: Mom, Wanda and the whole crew, and my beautiful girls

Q is for what you do with your quiet time: read, the computer

R is for biggest regret: I try not to have those..they suck.

S is for status: well...separated at the moment...not sure what's gonna happen there

T is for time you woke up today: not sure...the baby played for a while in her crib so I dozed

U is for what you consider unique about yourself: I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue

V is for vegetable you love: green beans

W is for worst habit: criticizing...trying to work on that

X is for x-rays you've had: I honestly don't have a clue

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Macadamia nuts dipped in chocolate

Z is for zodiac: Aries....and I can be a stubborn Ram, lemme tell ya!!

2008

2008-12-31T20:35:00.001-08:00

Farewell 2008. I am not going to be nostalgic, because, frankly, 2008 needs to go. I sit here writing this 25 mins before the year turns, and I can honestly say, Hello 2009! There have been good and bad, but a new year always brings new chances to do it differently. May this new year bring chances to do it differently, but to do it (whatever it is) wisely and beautifully. Happy New Year everyone!

Cycles

2008-12-10T17:22:00.000-08:00

I am a terrible blogger. Terrible. I post sporadically, don't I? I will try to do better, especially since I realized that some people are actually really reading this. The title of this one? Refers to Life. I am so pleased for my friend N. She just had her fourth angel and lemme tell ya, he is one CUTE kid. On the other end, a blog that I follow...this mom just lost her baby at almost 12 weeks pregnant. Joy and sadness at the same time. How is it that some experience so much joy while others only misery? I have a very dear friend who is suffering through grief as we speak. She just lost another baby...the second one in just a few months. There is no explaining things sometimes, ya know? I realize that birth and death are the cycles of life...just seems like too trite of words to fit it all in. Another cycle would be that I have connected, due to the miracle of MySpace, with my half-bro who is turning 16 in 2 days. I have not seen nor spoken to him since he was 8. Much to my surprise, shock, disbelief....he embraced me (cyber-embraced) with open arms. He could have said Go to Hell for not being there all these years. Why the estrangement you ask? Simply put...I found out that my father was not the man I thought, and I was tired of trying to maintain a relationship. My step-mother and brother were casualties of this, unfortunately. I have never forgotten about E, (my bro) and I am beyond thrilled to get a second chance. However, my father (or sperm donor, as the case may be) does not want E speaking to me. Angry? Why, yes, I will take a spoonful of that. Bitter...how about a cupful? Both of these emotions that help no one, least of all me, and that, with a tumultous relationship with the ex, I have tried to banish from my life. Whew. That was a mouthful. Negative energy begets negativity. I don't want to be bitter or angry. I am trying to reconcile my feelings about my father. So far, no dice. But, I will take full advantage of this next cycle in my life and explore this wonderfully new-found opportunity with E, permission or no permission. N, I am so happy for you. Enjoy this new life, and give thanks. You can bring him in to get kisses anytime now, ok?!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. ~Robert Frost

One of my favorite poems. Search it and find your own meaning as to the cycles of life.

Temper, Temper

2008-11-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a 16 month old throw a temper tantrum? I don't mean sit down on the floor and cry. I mean throw herself down, put her head on her hands, and wail like there is no tomorrow. This is Savannah. She has "official" terrible two temper tantrums, and THEY SUCK! She is NOT even close to two yet. Everything pisses her off now. She can't share, will not relinquish a toy to anyone, and you sure as hell better not tell her "No" or I feel sorry for your eardrums. I try so hard to discipline, but how can I when everyone laughs so hard at her? Is there any advice out there for a mom who cannot believe her child is already becoming the Spawn of Satan 8 months ahead of time?

Grief

2008-11-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

Four years ago today a dear friend of mine lost her mother. Not only her mother, but her best friend, and champion. It got me thinking about grief. I knew this incredible woman, and I was blessed to know her. She never crossed that fine line that comes between being a parent and a best friend. When you are young and single and raising a daughter on your own with no help, the temptation to take the easy way out is huge. I remember her funeral...the grief that was present at the death of a woman who was larger than life...a life that was full of grace and elegance. I remember thinking that day that if death could be a "tangible" thing, we would all handle it better. Because grief comes and goes in waves, it never fully disappears. And in my opinion, there is no "proper" way to deal. After losing a daughter, watching her body and soul detoriate, I learned that there is no better way to deal with death except head-on. Because if you don't tackle it first, it will sideline you. Peace be with my friend today...and over time, it will get easier. That is a promise I can make and keep. "Mom"~ I miss you. I miss how you cared about me and treated me with such love and attention. You cared about me because your daughter did. Some candles just can't stay lit.

Vote!

2008-11-04T04:03:00.000-08:00

Opinions are like a*#holes, they say. Everybody has one. No matter. You know who you are going to vote for. At least, you should have decided by now, since you know, TODAY is Election Day. Soapbox moment...Other people in other countries (since there are many, not just OUR superpower, heh, heh) don't have this right. You do. And it is MY opinion that it is not just a right, it is a Duty. Your civic duty. If you don't vote, then you have NO right to bitch about the state of this country and the mess we are in. To paraphrase Nike, Just Do It!

Time

2008-11-02T12:47:00.000-08:00

I realize 3o is not old. But I swear with every year that passes, the days fly by. We have but 2 months left of 2008. Nostalgia renders me speechless everytime I look at my children. Savannah does so many of the things Samantha used to do. Halloween is over, and now it is time for the holidays. It's trite, really, but where has the year gone? I am in a pensive mood today. I have been on iTunes alot lately, looking through old (to me, anyway) music, and with every song I find unexpectedly, a memory pops up. Old loves, friendships no longer available to me, people that I just wish I knew where they were now, to know they are ok. Is it a crime, when you are so happy with what you have now, to wish for days long gone? I would never trade my life now, but sometimes the memories overwhelm me with what used to be. As we head into the holiday season, which is at the same time welcoming and alarming, I treasure my memories more, and realize that there are so many new ones to be made.

Happy Birthday Emilee!

2008-10-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 8th birthday of my darling Emilee Faith in Heaven, born too early and living only a month. She was only here a short time, but she left a lasting impression. She taught me that life is too short to waste negative energy on negative people, and that loving the ones you have is important every day. I say "I love you" a lot more than I used to, and I say it way more often. Please remember to tell someone that you love them...it may be the only chance you get. And remember, if there is but one cause you subscribe to, please let it be the March of Dimes. One day we will have a reason why preemies come and go so swiftly. The March of Dimes is committed to millions of babies and their families. Thank you. Happy Birthday Em! We love you and miss you every day.

And the reality sets in...

2008-10-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

We lost. Yes, we lost. My precious Sox boys lost to Tampa Bay in Game Seven. Ok, while I am disappointed in the outcome, our team proved yet again to the world that we are a phenomenal team. For all you skeptics that say, "SHE never liked baseball before...." I am hooked. When the team hurts, I hurt. We played some damn good ball this postseason, and that we can be proud of. Besides, I guess we should give someone else a chance to get to the World Series every once in a while.
On to something else. This blog I follow, Confessions of a CF Husband, (check it out if you haven't yet) had some depressing news today. To make a long story short (just read the blog!), Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis and she is not doing well. She has some tumors and the docs at Duke think they have spread. I am quite depressed about this, and I wish with all my might that Tricia receive better news soon.
Also, this month is Breast Cancer Month, as well as Premature Babies Month. Both subjects are near and dear to my heart. I lost someone that was a mother figure to breast cancer and I lost a premature baby. October is a rough month all the way around. My husband lost his mother on Halloween four years ago. Send some love our way this October.
On a joyful note, Savannah is running. And talking. And, since she is MY child, she is LOUD! She says all sorts of things that only she understands, but she says OW! when she falls, and she says No for everything else. I love my girls! Samantha continues to do good in school and be a social, albeit too talkative, butterfly.
Here we go into the cold....marching straight into my favorite time of year, fall. Pictures will be posted soon. I am waiting for my beautiful new laptop to be delivered!

Sickness Sucks

2008-10-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Ok. It is firmly established. Sickness sucks. My husband has been sick for 3 weeks now. I took the kid (the younger one) to the doc's today...double ear infection. I feel like I have been run over by a Mack truck. Samantha is the only one..knock on wood, or Pergo, in our house...that is still healthy. Send some good wishes our way. We sincerely need it.

Ok, ok, yes I am terrible!

2008-09-10T04:12:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a long time since I have blogged and the two, maybe three people that read this blog are up in arms about it....but I digress. You try having a child in 4th grade and a toddler who loves nothing more than to do exactly what I tell her NOT to do and then get them both ready in the morning to get out of the house. Busy, you think? I honestly thought that having the age difference would be easier. Sometimes it is, because Samantha is able to be a mini-me and help with Savannah. But, they both needs on the opposite end of the spectrum and that's hard. Anyways, now my pity party has ended and on to more interesting news. Samantha is in 4th grade! Only one more year in elementary and then it's middle school. Wow, am I having a hard time with this. 4th grade so far is just review...and learning the rules. Sam has an incredible teacher AGAIN this year. That makes 3 awesome teachers in 3 years...and everyone says bad things come in 3's. I have a feeling the homework is going to increase this year...and then I may need a tutor..ha ha. Savannah is now running, yes running at 14 months ! And most kids don't like the word NO, but she REALLY doesn't like it. This child marches to the beat of her drum and no one else's. She is into everything. "All those expensive toys...nah...I like Mommy's tupperware cabinet. Oh, and the trashcan, cause I can lift the lid and pull stuff out. Yeah, that's a good one. And the dishwasher! What a gold mine! Knives and spatulas and plates, oh my! Mom, why are you closing it? And why are you telling me THAT WORD again? Oh well, I will just go throw stuff over the baby gate that leads downstairs, including my nukkie and my cup. Mom hates that."

Here's a taste of how our day goes the few hours we are actually at home.

If there is a laundry basket in progress, you might as fold it after bedtime. Savannah LOVES clothes. Just not shopping.

We cannot unpack diapers like normal people. Nope! They have to stay in the package. Or else.
Anyways, a longer post on our trip to Mass later. Gotta start the morning routine!

Finally! A Vacay!

2008-08-14T04:08:00.001-07:00

We are headed out of town tomorrow....going to the great state of Massachusetts! We are going to visit some family and go to the Yankee Candle Flagship store! YAY! This will be my last post for a while, so enjoy life and have a great week. Go REDSOX!

My little hide~n~seeker!

2008-08-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

The light in our kitchen over the stove stays on most of the time, both at night for a night-light and during the day because I forget to turn it off. I know, I know...conserve electricity. Anyways, tonight it burned out (serves me right I guess). I wish you all could see Savannah toddling around the kitchen in the pitch-black dark. As I type, she is walking in the kitchen, and I swear she has cat vision because she hasn't bumped into a single thing or fallen at all! She is supposed to be going to bed, but she got a second wind and now is all over the place. Of course, it doesn't help that Samantha is chasing her around, riling her up. Yells from Mommy to "calm down girls" go by the wayside. You know how they say little feet go pit-pat, pit-pat? Well, that old addage is true. Add to that the sound of a diaper swishing and a little voice going "no~no ditty" (sissy) and you have got true sounds of joy in my house. Some days I love my children so much it hurts. I always always love them, but sometimes my heart aches with it. When I see Samantha kiss and hug Savannah, and I see the pure sweetness, it makes me want to cry. Sorry for waxing poetic, but sometimes I have to remark on the utter adoration I have for my children. Parents, you know this! I am blessed to have wonderful children. Add to this my nieces and nephews, and it may be crazy...but it is one hell of a ride!

What kind of flower are you?

2008-08-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

I found this awesome silly website called Quizilla.com. They have a quiz for about everything you can think of. Some of my friends and I have been doing all these random quizzes...all the ones that appeal to us. Visit this site when you are bored or have some free time and have fun!

"you are a person who is cheerful and enjoys celebration and because of this, the poinsettia should be your symbolic flower. Also known as the Christmas Star and Christmas Flower. The December birth flower symbolizes good cheer and success and are said to bring wishes of mirth and celebration. Aside from being an American symbol for the Christmas season, it also represents unity and togetherness of friend and family for celebration."

It's a sad sad day....

2008-07-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am devastated! It's a sad day for the members of the Red Sox and the Nation. Manny, our dear sweet dreadlocked boy, is going to Hollywood to play for the Dodgers. What?! How could he? Could he get any further away from us? Now, Manny is temperamental and such, but he is a class~act ballplayer and we are going to be very sorry we did not pay him more to stay. I guess that all good things must come to an end~but this is one end I really did not see coming. And judging from the amount of press and other blogs I have read today, neither did a lot of other people. Every year for the past 5, he has talked and talked but never walked. To quote an infamous Boston phrase...it was "Manny being Manny". It appears however, that he meant it this time, and now. He cleaned out his locker today, and will not play anymore this season. Was it the money, Manny? The management? You had all the glory you could handle. Guess it wasn't enough. We didn't even have a chance to see jersey #24 retired. Godspeed Manny. We will miss you.

Words to Live By

2008-07-22T04:56:00.001-07:00

Remember What is Most Important

Don't put off living until tomorrow.
Don't be afraid to dream some time away.
Don't look too far ahead,
don't look back with regret;
just look with hope
to the horizon of today.
Don't be afraid to reach for your goal,
no matter how distant it might seem.
And don't be surprised if you succeed.
The truly special people in this world,
the ones who reach their dreams,
are the ones who do the things
they really want to do.
Don't be one of the many...
be one of the few.

~~~Collin McCarty

Little Pink Riding Hood

2008-07-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

We found this is a bag of clothes the other day. Not entirely sure what it is...at first we thought it was a bath robe, but it has some kind of swimming pool on the label. Regardless, I had just given Savannah a bath. She loves to "be nakey" for a bit afterwards, and crawl around with a diaper on. No, I am not that stupid. She who goes fully naked pees on the carpet.
When it was time to get dressed in PJ's, she did not want to take it off. Below is the picture where Mommy hurt Savannah's feelings because it was time to put on PJ's. Thinking about crying...yes sirree! This kid has a mind of her own already. Do you think she has worn this cute little multipurpose robe since then? Nope!

Kids say the darnedest things!

2008-07-16T13:31:00.000-07:00

Language has been emerging lately. Savannah is starting to mimic, and the results are hilarious. She is even starting to say a few things unprompted. Right now, a duck says "cack cack". She knows "no" and "da-da" and "na-na" for Wanda. Mostly it's just gibberish. However, we just taught her "uh-oh" and today it bit me in the butt. More and more, she is responding to things as we say them. This morning, for example, I had stopped to get gas. I left my wallet open on the center console in the van, and as I pulled off, my wallet started to fall on the floor. Now, anyone who knows me knows my wallet is full of crap, and all that started to go everywhere. I, of course,with the mouth of a sailor, yelled ! And my little sweet angel says...you guessed it..."uh-oh"! Right on cue. I nearly ran the van off the road it was such perfect timing! You know what they say...out of the mouths of babes.

Told you I was going backwards

2008-07-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

I warned you that I was going to go backwards sometimes.
I wanted to show you our 4th of July pics. Now, how amazing
are these two? We had to have them matching, which we do

quite a bit. All American Princesses, these two. We went to Mom's for a cookout on the actual 4th before we got rained out. I know we tried a good ten minutes to get the girls to smile and look at the camera. Oh well. Enjoy them anyway!

Savannah: "Audrey, I really don't like this grass stuff!"
Audrey: "It's not so bad, Savannah."
Savannah: I can't believe you are just sitting there! You are so perfect!"
Audrey: " I just want them to take our picture so I can eat!"

Look at our tats, man! How cool! We flex our muscles and the tattoos move!

And one more for your viewing pleasure...this was actually taken on the 5th. We met some friends at Target and sat in the parking lot to watch the fireworks. (earlier post) These were all the kids who were certainly not ready to go home and go to bed after that kind of show!

Back Row: Samuel, Samantha and Big Girl Savannah
Front Row: Olivia, Matt holding Audrey, Paige, Brie, and Jordan holding Baby Savannah
Hope you had a night full of stars, stripes, and sparkles!

I like them, I like them!

2008-07-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a little lighter post today than the past two. Savannah is finally trying new things. This is also important because Mommy discovered a website that leads me to think Mommy is starving the kid! This site says that when kids transition from formula to milk...they need about 1000 cals a day. Or....dum dum dum...they might wake up at night. WELL, I WONDER! Is this why Savannah won't sleep? Is she not getting enough food? Perhaps. So, I am on a mission to do six small meals a day and we will see. My goal is to try a new food at least every other day. Today we gave her blueberries. Halved, of course, for all of you who are thinking "gasp!" My first thought was, maybe I shouldn't have halved them, and the next thought was, when did she turn into a Hoover? She inhaled them...so it really didn't matter if they were whole or not. Then I had to of course warn my husband that "what goes in, must come out" and that blueberries...they...well...I think you get the picture. He was not amused. So, new food #1 and I think I will start keeping a food journal for her. Tracking calories for a one-year-old? Am I nuts? Don't answer that!

Intervention

2008-07-12T19:26:00.000-07:00

To continue in the same vein as my post yesterday, has everyone seen this Intervention show on TV? It is some powerful stuff! The show follows families through the heart-breaking process of trying to intervene in their loved ones' lives to save them from drugs and/or alcohol. As I watch the show, I am reminded how much I hate drugs. They serve no purpose except to screw up people's lives. I have watched two people close to me fight addiction over and over. I am so scared that the drugs will eventually win. If you haven't seen this show, watch it. You will not come away unchanged.

To the fullest...

2008-07-10T04:42:00.000-07:00

So I am feeling a little..hmmm..unsettled today. Yesterday John's boss' fiancee (get that) was in a really bad accident. As in broken ribs, punctured lung, vehicle on it's side accident. She is such a sweet person and was on her way home from work when she got t-boned by another car and a tractor-trailer. Yes, it could have been much worse, but it was bad enough. I keep thinking did she tell her fiancee and kids I love you that day? We never know when each moment will be our last. Following this line of thinking, one of my friends is making a major decision in her life...she has decided that life is too short for her to spend it unhappy. She is trying new things and exploring life as she hasn't in a long time. Let her be an inspiration to us all. Life is only lived once, and we should make the most of it. Try something new and be happy. Stand up for yourself and make yourself happy. Live life to it's fullest...it's the only one you got!

Numero Uno for Savannah

2008-07-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

Savannah kinda got shunted on this first birthday thing. Samantha had at least 40 people at hers. Savannah had, well, maybe 10? That's ok...it was fun. We had a Wonder Pets party. Yes, my child is addicted to TV. Blah blah all you American Academy of Pediatrics lovers. Sometimes you need your child to be distracted. Anyways, she loves Linny, Tuck and Ming-Ming too. Lemme tell you. So we decided to do the party for her and just have family. Check these out!

This is the Flyboat cake! Yes, Mommy is ambitious! If we were having a Wonder Pets party, there must be a Flyboat cake.
Every baby needs her own cake. The left is the one Mommy made, and big Sissy Samantha made the one on the right.
My child loves cake! No hesitation on her part. If it's food you got, it's what she wants!
Mema had a fit about the cake being chocolate, so we switched and gave her some of her actual birthday Flyboat cake.
Does she look like she enjoyed it? Her first birthday was memorable, and this is the reason why! And afterwards, Aunt Wanda gave her the mandatory bath! Lucky Mommy! Hope these made you smile!

I did it! I did it!

2008-07-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

I have never been able to figure out how to add a picture, but thanks to my dear friend Jessi, (a.k.a. LoveLladro) I did it! I took this picture yesterday at work...thought it was pretty cool. I am most certainly not a photog...leave that to the professionals (like Jessi), but now...you will be subject to all sorts of posts with pictures. That's kinda cool actually...I know people follow these things to keep up on news. This will be for those people who will NOT join MySpace...you knwo who you are! Anyways, have fun and please forgive for going back in time...got a lot to accomplish!

What the hell?

2008-07-06T05:46:00.000-07:00

If you could have seen Savannah's face as we watched the fireworks last night, you would understand that question. A group of us got together in the Target parking lot with our kids to watch the fireworks that had been postponed due to the storm on the 4th. They were pretty spectacular even for our little town, lemme tell ya. Savannah didn't pay attention to the first few "quiet ones", but that first big boom and she was definitely a little rattled. She looked at me with such an expression on her face (see post title) that I just had to laugh even as she started to cry. However, as long as Mommy held her, she was ok. The kids had a great time waving flags, eating fruit rollups and being loud enough to exceed the town noise ordinances, but watching them, I was a little nostalgic for my own childhood. With everything happening now...gas prices, grocery prices, the day-to-day drudgery of paying bills and doing laundry...for a fleeting moment I wished I was a kid again. The times we had...running around screaming with popsicle juice rolling down our chins, oohing and aahing at the fireworks...were those the good 'ole days? Nah, maybe not. We still had to go to school and take tests!

Happy Birthday Savannah!

2008-06-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

Our youngest is one. I swear, she was just born yesterday! It was so sweet...she woke up at 2:30 in the morning, and my husband, who does not RACE to do anything, jumped out of bed to get her. The reason for this, I learned, is so he could be the FIRST to tell her Happy Birthday! I know, I know, sweet huh? We had to work in the morning, but Samantha made it worthwhile because she called from her dad's house to talk to Savannah. You should have seen Savannah's face! She truly loves her big sister. This week Savannah has been hanging on the gate that leads to Samantha's playroom downstairs...calling "aaaaaaah". We could only assume she was calling for her sissy. We have Savannah's one year checkup today...yuck...shots. Blegh! But then we pick up Samantha! Yay!

Geez, I'm Tired!

2008-06-20T05:18:00.000-07:00

Our house has been plagued with viruses. Now, I know this is better than say, locusts, or ants or whatever, but since I started working in childcare again it seems the girls are always sick. Savannah has some type of virus that Audrey had, and it appears these two are already in cahoots with each other against the world. They share everything, even viruses! Really though, I know that childcare carries a certain stigma with sickness and everything, but I love my job. Our local Y is absolutely fantastic. We are so blessed. The people that work there really care, and there is hardly any turnover at all like other jobs. Savannah comes with me, I get to be involved in Samantha's class, (which I couldn't do as a full-timer at the bank), and I have made some truly awesome friends. Ok, so I know this post is wicked boring, but truly, I am so tired I can't see straight. My advice is this; WASH your hands well! Make your kids WASH theirs. Please.

Father's Day

2008-06-16T03:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was John's first Father's Day. We spent a lazy morning. We all got up early, thanks to the child that never sleeps, and thus went back to bed as soon as Her Highness was ready. We decided, gas prices notwithstanding, we would travel to Salisbury and use John's Outback gift card.
This card was only almost eight months old...due to the fact my husband hoards things. We went right during naptime...cringing at the thought of taking this child to a restaurant when she is in meltdown mode. However, food rules and boy, does it soothe the savage beast. Our child is a macaroni-and-cheese-aholic. She will eat any type...and Outback's rocks. They use penne pasta and a creamy cheese sauce. This ain't Kraft, baby! Savannah ate the WHOLE time! From the bread to her pasta to my pasta, she should have been bursting at the seams. So then the logic would be that she would have a bottle and sleep the whole way home, right? Wrong. She drank the bottle and then fussed and screamed and cried. A "car baby" she is not. How we make it to Massachusetts in August I do not know. If you were wondering where Sam is, she was with her Daddy this weekend...we missed her and she missed Outback! Hope that everyone spent Father's Day in the best way possible for them.

It's been awhile...

2008-06-07T06:36:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it has been awhile. However, it is not my fault. It is my well, can't call it names (it'll hear me) my loving computer's fault. My brother, get this, used a program that allowed him to "remote in" from 400 miles away and spent 3 hours fixing this thing. You try not having internet access for nearly 2 weeks and see how you like it. I was going nuts and driving my family nuts by using their computers! I never really was computer-obsessed until almost a year ago. I could never understand the urgency. Guess what? Now I do and I am! I NEEDED my computer. It's like wearing a watch or your favorite piece of jewelry...you feel naked without it. So anyways, I am back and I am ecstatic! Onto the home front, Savannah is crawling, pulling herself up on everything, and trying to walk. All this in 3 weeks. She also climbed 2 stairs before Daddy decided he had quite enough with her adventuresome self and pulled her down. The funny part is, she knows the word NO but laughs like a crazy woman when you say it. Then you laugh and the whole moment is just ruined. Samantha has 2 and a half days of school left, and then it's time to figure out how to keep her occupied for summer. My baby as a fourth-grader. Where does the time go?

She did it! She did it!

2008-05-19T18:37:00.000-07:00

We have been anxiously awaiting Savannah to crawl. Not quite sure why, because just 2 short days later I am ready for her to sit still. We have not seriously baby-proofed yet, so we need to get going on that. But boy, you should see her move. She looks like a cross between a rabbit and a frog. She does like this all-fours-hop-thing! Very strange. But then, the kid marches to her own beat and no one else's! My hubby still thinks it's adorable, but just you wait! He WILL change his mind. Another milestone...she breaks my heart. She's one step closer to getting on that yellow bus, slamming her bedroom door, gabbing on the phone, spending all our money (wait, she does that already~just doesn't know it), ok ok I am rushing things a bit. However, she is just growing so fast. No wonder Carter's chose the slogan..."If only they would just stay little." They were right on the money.

I Got Tagged!

2008-05-14T18:47:00.000-07:00

My niece says I have been "tagged". So I am supposed to answer these questions...

5 things in my purse

wallet
multiple pens
pacifers
baby snacks
brush

5 things in my room

my california king size bed (the "big" bed)
my growing stack of magazines
a recliner
piles of clothes
piles of my husband's clothes

5 things I've always wanted to do

go to Ireland
go to Wales
learn how to ride horses
dye my hair a CRAZY color
run for a local political office

5 things I'm currently into

MySpace and finding long-lost friends
blogging
my Ipod (putting songs on it)
exercising
Webkinz

Ok, so I think I have done it successfully. We will wait for my niece's approval...

it's the little things

2008-05-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day. Flowers, cards, candy, sleeping in, love is in the air...yada yada yada. As you can probably tell, mine did not go well. But that's okay. Tomorrow is another day. We took Mama to Annapolis (the...dum dum dum...ominous music...WESTERN SHORE) for a doctor's appointment. Where shall we go to dinner? she asks, (because sure as hell I am NOT sitting in that traffic on the way home). We voted, and Mommy got outvoted. Those two, being Mom and Samantha, conspired against me to go to Red Lobster. C'mon, I am on the verge of Civililization and they want to go to Red Lobster?!?! I was thinking Macaroni Grill or Outback, but oh well. So we have been struggling at home to get Savannah to eat people food; not that processed crap Gerber makes. (We have gone organic in the way of baby food people!) I have tried diced carrots, apples, bits of pasta, etc. I even got desperate and bought her one of those Gerber-processed-crap-meals. I opened the container to find little shells and cheese that looked just like Velveeta. It did not, however, smell like it. To her credit, Savannah shot me a dirty look and promptly spit it out. Then she mumbled something that was probably a baby cuss word. Forward to today at the restaurant, I ask the waitress if she can steam me some pasta. She says "we have Mac-n-Cheese...how about that?" Before I can say a word, Mom says that would be great and shoots me a look to shut me up. Now, I knew, just KNEW Savannah was not going to eat processed food. My organic angel. So I thought to myself, Samantha can eat it and I will just give Savannah her ORGANIC baby food, albeit out of a jar. You know what is coming right? The waitress sets the dish down and I dutifully pick up a slimy noodle covered with fake cheese and blow on it to cool it. I put it in front of my O.A. and she looks at me like Are You Serious? She picks it up, puts it in her mouth, AND GOBBLES IT DOWN! The traitor! Benedict Baby! She then screams for more and I am forced to give it to her. Cut to Mama, who of course is giving me a smug I-told-you-so look. The rest of our meal went peacefully, thanks to the little slimy things called Easy Mac. If that is what it takes to make my kid eat semi-solid food and not exhibit her gag-reflex technique, then stock is what I will buy in Kraft. However, it is still processed and pure junk. But it's the little things in life right? (and I still like Velveeta...ssshh...)

this damn election

2008-05-06T17:53:00.000-07:00

I honestly have not paid a whole lot of attention lately to the election. The backstabbing, while I know is quite common, really grates on my nerves. I figure I have enough stress in my life that I don't need more negativity. I just read the headline that Obama won in North Carolina. Now, being from there and being raised with the racism that is still heavily prevalent, I wasn't too surprised he won. However, there are quite a few cities such as Raleigh, Charlotte, Fayetteville and others that have a bunch of transplants from other states and I am surprised that Hilary didn't have more of the vote. I usually keep my political views to myself (unless provoked =0). I have to comment tho. As much as people in this country (some) would like a woman Prez, I don't think it is gonna happen. Women are still only making a dollar to a man's four to five dollars, so does that sound like a country advanced enough for a woman? I just don't know if our country is ready. If Obama wins, though, will that ignite a bigger race war than we already have? And McCain...we are in a war we shouldn't be in already and if he wins, how much longer will we stay? See why this seems to be an impossible election? I know I shouldn't be ambivalent...this is my children's future...but I am having a hard time with this one. Coming from me, who has definite opinions on most everything (as my friends know), I am at a loss for knowledge here.

Cinco de Mayo

2008-05-05T18:37:00.000-07:00

Today is Mexican Independence Day. The only independence I see is the freedom to swill tequila like my friend N tonight! LOL! Tacos and Tequila. Lethal combo? For sure. Both can burn your stomach! We are celebrating the 5th on the 9th. Everyone is coming over and we are having enchiladas, quesadillas, sangria, and Coronas. If you think about it, nothing we are doing is really authentic. Americans have pretty much taken over traditions from other countries and made them ours. Our way or the highway, baby. All the same, Americans love an excuse to socialize, eat, and imbibe. What the hell...we just love to eat! And people wonder why this country is obese. It ought to be fun, tho. Women, screaming children, lotsa food, and a drink based on red wine and lots of it...and then the screaming children noise fades away...If you are celebrating this day...be safe and responsible. You owe it to yourself.

Why Bother?

2008-05-04T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yard Sales. Why bother? You drag all your stuff out...sit outside...wait...wait some more...one person comes...wait some more...you get the picture. I made $1 today. Well, not really, because we bought pizza for lunch. So, I didn't even break even. And I got a sunburn! My pasty white self just cooks. I am in a wee bit o' pain right now. On the plus side, we had some fabulous girl time, and Daddy got some baby time! Nuthin' wrong there!

My Cynical Niece

2008-05-03T12:59:00.000-07:00

I was so excited about starting this blog thing. I mean, I am 30 and so out of the loop where the Tech Age is concerned. Hell, I can't even stomach the music (that is what she calls it) that my youngest niece listens to. Of course I needed a FEW pointers on how to do this. My sweetheart of a niece, who will remain unnamed, begrudgingly agreed to help. She thinks I am far too old to be trying to be cool. When she was little, she thought her world spun on my axis, but that changes too quickly. We got on the phone and she proceeded to help me step-by-step.
" insert what she calls me here", why did you put the word "pee"? she says. "Because" I reply.
"No one is going to want to read it" she says cynically. When did this start? This cynicism at such a young age? Who taught her to look at the world with glasses that are not rose-colored anymore? When she was little, rainbows and bulldogs excited her beyond belief. Now it is clothes and god forbid makeup and I am just not on her list of "acceptable" people. I know she still loves me. There is still hope. Maybe when she is pushing me in a wheelchair and the only thing we have in common is elastic waistbands!

Getting going...

2008-05-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

Have you ever realized just how difficult it is to get motivated? For instance, my friends and I are doing a Yard Sale tomorrow. I have so much, well, junk, for lack of a better word, that I could let go of. Can I get my now 15 lbs lighter behind downstairs to begin the process? Not a snowball's chance. I know what I HAVE to do, but there are always a million reasons why I couldn't.
~I have to pee.
~The baby needs to eat.
~The baby peed and needs a diaper change.
~OMG! There is a marathon of SVU on!
~Now MOMMY is hungry.
And the list goes on and on. Even the prospect of making a little cash doesn't seem to propel me to move forward. Oh well, cest la vie! Or however the French spell things. But that is a different post.

Newbies

2008-05-03T06:11:00.000-07:00

So, since my friends have joined the tech age (apparently it has been around for some time) I decided I had better get involved. "What's a blog?" my husband asks me. "Well," I reply, "I will let you know when I find out!" I am but a mere infant with this tool, but if it means keeping everyone informed of every nuance of our daily lives, then so be it. Maybe it'll be fun!