ABC..all about me!

A is for age: 30. I don't want to talk about it. Nope. Just don't.

B is for burger of choice: bacon, cheese, mayo and ketchup

C is for the car I drive: Honda Odydessy (sp?) Minivan

D is for your dog's name: I don't have one. I have two kids.

E is for essential item you use every day: My laptop. Can't...live...without...

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: still Law and Order:SVU

G is for favorite game: Text Twist on the computer and Quizzy's Word Challenge on Webkinz

H is for home state: the great state of North Carolina!!

I is for instruments you play: had piano lessons once upon a time

J is for favorite juice: Apple

K is for whose bum you'd like to kick: mine....I threw away my the box for my new cell phone and now cannot send away for the rebate!!

L is for last restaurant at which you ate: McDonald's (if that counts as a restaurant) if not...the WeatherVane, a fantastic restaurant in Chapel Hill

M is for your favorite muppet: Kermit

N is for number of piercings: one in each ear..not brave enough for anything else

O is for overnight hospital stays: 3...I think

P is for people you were with today: Mom, Wanda and the whole crew, and my beautiful girls

Q is for what you do with your quiet time: read, the computer

R is for biggest regret: I try not to have those..they suck.

S is for status: well...separated at the moment...not sure what's gonna happen there

T is for time you woke up today: not sure...the baby played for a while in her crib so I dozed

U is for what you consider unique about yourself: I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue

V is for vegetable you love: green beans

W is for worst habit: criticizing...trying to work on that

X is for x-rays you've had: I honestly don't have a clue

Y is for yummy food you ate today: Macadamia nuts dipped in chocolate

Z is for zodiac: Aries....and I can be a stubborn Ram, lemme tell ya!!

2008

Farewell 2008. I am not going to be nostalgic, because, frankly, 2008 needs to go. I sit here writing this 25 mins before the year turns, and I can honestly say, Hello 2009! There have been good and bad, but a new year always brings new chances to do it differently. May this new year bring chances to do it differently, but to do it (whatever it is) wisely and beautifully. Happy New Year everyone!

Cycles

I am a terrible blogger. Terrible. I post sporadically, don't I? I will try to do better, especially since I realized that some people are actually really reading this. The title of this one? Refers to Life. I am so pleased for my friend N. She just had her fourth angel and lemme tell ya, he is one CUTE kid. On the other end, a blog that I follow...this mom just lost her baby at almost 12 weeks pregnant. Joy and sadness at the same time. How is it that some experience so much joy while others only misery? I have a very dear friend who is suffering through grief as we speak. She just lost another baby...the second one in just a few months. There is no explaining things sometimes, ya know? I realize that birth and death are the cycles of life...just seems like too trite of words to fit it all in. Another cycle would be that I have connected, due to the miracle of MySpace, with my half-bro who is turning 16 in 2 days. I have not seen nor spoken to him since he was 8. Much to my surprise, shock, disbelief....he embraced me (cyber-embraced) with open arms. He could have said Go to Hell for not being there all these years. Why the estrangement you ask? Simply put...I found out that my father was not the man I thought, and I was tired of trying to maintain a relationship. My step-mother and brother were casualties of this, unfortunately. I have never forgotten about E, (my bro) and I am beyond thrilled to get a second chance. However, my father (or sperm donor, as the case may be) does not want E speaking to me. Angry? Why, yes, I will take a spoonful of that. Bitter...how about a cupful? Both of these emotions that help no one, least of all me, and that, with a tumultous relationship with the ex, I have tried to banish from my life. Whew. That was a mouthful. Negative energy begets negativity. I don't want to be bitter or angry. I am trying to reconcile my feelings about my father. So far, no dice. But, I will take full advantage of this next cycle in my life and explore this wonderfully new-found opportunity with E, permission or no permission. N, I am so happy for you. Enjoy this new life, and give thanks. You can bring him in to get kisses anytime now, ok?!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. ~Robert Frost

One of my favorite poems. Search it and find your own meaning as to the cycles of life.

Temper, Temper

Have you ever seen a 16 month old throw a temper tantrum? I don't mean sit down on the floor and cry. I mean throw herself down, put her head on her hands, and wail like there is no tomorrow. This is Savannah. She has "official" terrible two temper tantrums, and THEY SUCK! She is NOT even close to two yet. Everything pisses her off now. She can't share, will not relinquish a toy to anyone, and you sure as hell better not tell her "No" or I feel sorry for your eardrums. I try so hard to discipline, but how can I when everyone laughs so hard at her? Is there any advice out there for a mom who cannot believe her child is already becoming the Spawn of Satan 8 months ahead of time?

Grief

Four years ago today a dear friend of mine lost her mother. Not only her mother, but her best friend, and champion. It got me thinking about grief. I knew this incredible woman, and I was blessed to know her. She never crossed that fine line that comes between being a parent and a best friend. When you are young and single and raising a daughter on your own with no help, the temptation to take the easy way out is huge. I remember her funeral...the grief that was present at the death of a woman who was larger than life...a life that was full of grace and elegance. I remember thinking that day that if death could be a "tangible" thing, we would all handle it better. Because grief comes and goes in waves, it never fully disappears. And in my opinion, there is no "proper" way to deal. After losing a daughter, watching her body and soul detoriate, I learned that there is no better way to deal with death except head-on. Because if you don't tackle it first, it will sideline you. Peace be with my friend today...and over time, it will get easier. That is a promise I can make and keep. "Mom"~ I miss you. I miss how you cared about me and treated me with such love and attention. You cared about me because your daughter did. Some candles just can't stay lit.

Vote!

Opinions are like a*#holes, they say. Everybody has one. No matter. You know who you are going to vote for. At least, you should have decided by now, since you know, TODAY is Election Day. Soapbox moment...Other people in other countries (since there are many, not just OUR superpower, heh, heh) don't have this right. You do. And it is MY opinion that it is not just a right, it is a Duty. Your civic duty. If you don't vote, then you have NO right to bitch about the state of this country and the mess we are in. To paraphrase Nike, Just Do It!

Time

I realize 3o is not old. But I swear with every year that passes, the days fly by. We have but 2 months left of 2008. Nostalgia renders me speechless everytime I look at my children. Savannah does so many of the things Samantha used to do. Halloween is over, and now it is time for the holidays. It's trite, really, but where has the year gone? I am in a pensive mood today. I have been on iTunes alot lately, looking through old (to me, anyway) music, and with every song I find unexpectedly, a memory pops up. Old loves, friendships no longer available to me, people that I just wish I knew where they were now, to know they are ok. Is it a crime, when you are so happy with what you have now, to wish for days long gone? I would never trade my life now, but sometimes the memories overwhelm me with what used to be. As we head into the holiday season, which is at the same time welcoming and alarming, I treasure my memories more, and realize that there are so many new ones to be made.