Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I am a terrible blogger. Terrible. I post sporadically, don't I? I will try to do better, especially since I realized that some people are actually really reading this. The title of this one? Refers to Life. I am so pleased for my friend N. She just had her fourth angel and lemme tell ya, he is one CUTE kid. On the other end, a blog that I follow...this mom just lost her baby at almost 12 weeks pregnant. Joy and sadness at the same time. How is it that some experience so much joy while others only misery? I have a very dear friend who is suffering through grief as we speak. She just lost another baby...the second one in just a few months. There is no explaining things sometimes, ya know? I realize that birth and death are the cycles of life...just seems like too trite of words to fit it all in. Another cycle would be that I have connected, due to the miracle of MySpace, with my half-bro who is turning 16 in 2 days. I have not seen nor spoken to him since he was 8. Much to my surprise, shock, disbelief....he embraced me (cyber-embraced) with open arms. He could have said Go to Hell for not being there all these years. Why the estrangement you ask? Simply put...I found out that my father was not the man I thought, and I was tired of trying to maintain a relationship. My step-mother and brother were casualties of this, unfortunately. I have never forgotten about E, (my bro) and I am beyond thrilled to get a second chance. However, my father (or sperm donor, as the case may be) does not want E speaking to me. Angry? Why, yes, I will take a spoonful of that. about a cupful? Both of these emotions that help no one, least of all me, and that, with a tumultous relationship with the ex, I have tried to banish from my life. Whew. That was a mouthful. Negative energy begets negativity. I don't want to be bitter or angry. I am trying to reconcile my feelings about my father. So far, no dice. But, I will take full advantage of this next cycle in my life and explore this wonderfully new-found opportunity with E, permission or no permission. N, I am so happy for you. Enjoy this new life, and give thanks. You can bring him in to get kisses anytime now, ok?!

Fire and Ice

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think I know enough of hate To say that for destruction ice Is also great And would suffice. ~Robert Frost

One of my favorite poems. Search it and find your own meaning as to the cycles of life.

1 comment:

LoveLladro said...

Whew... what a post. Doesn't it feel good to get stuff off your chest every so often? That's why the title of my blog is 'if this is therapy' ;~) In all seriousness... keep trying and praying for peace for your feelings to your dad. The best thing I can say (and I don't mean to preach, only help) is don't expect him to change... only work on changing your self. Get rid of that anger and bitterness and be that bright loving bubbly girl I met in high school!

Oh and Sarcastic Mom... I almost cried this morning for her. Very sad.